Only Love.

I tried not to read anything about it, but still, I am haunted.  Surely whatever feelings I have about what happened last Friday is absolutely NOTHING compared with the loss and devastation of those who are directly affected.  Unimaginable, is the closest word I'd dare to use to describe the gaping hole left by the bleakness that took over the country on Friday.  It is sad but true that it is during such tragic times that one is reminded how fortunate one is to have the chance to see, talk, and touch people one loves.  So, see, talk, touch, reach out to people you love. Time, truly, is a gift.  Go on, give.

12.12.12 - Time To Think of Others.

12.12.12.  Just 19 more days and it is "hello" 2013".  For now, I will listen to Chris Martin of Cold Play sings a song that does nothing but go straight to your heart.  Sadly I don't know what the song is called.  

Below is one of our Christmas candle at home, but here's wishing that hope lights the way for all the victims and survivors of Sandy.  And those of Compostela Valley.

I am Flaking on Advent

Well, here goes December and predictably, things start to pile on.  And naturally, the feeling of time just whizzing by mercilessly is upon me and my world.  I started joyfully hopeful though.  I found this project to do - an advent calendar made out of city buildings - printable, foldable, and utterly cute.  I was going to hang them on our Charlie Brown tree after I put tiny objects of joy inside them wondrous things.  The fabulous plan was to open one box every day and celebrate every single day before Christmas.  I did print, and cut, and fold, but then the energy and inspiration fizzled out while I contemplated how am I going to hang them on the tree.  So they sat on my kitchen window sill.  They are still sitting there - now partly hidden behind the window blinds - and yesterday, I even forgot they were there.  The good news is, there are still 17 more days to go, and really, there is absolutely no reason why I cannot be inspired once again... tomorrow, maybe....

Hello, It's Me!

People had been asking:  what the heck is this paper dweller? Well, it is just me.  And my thoughts. And my life.  And things I love.  And hate.  Although, in general, I try to be positive.  But hey, no one is perfect.  That is what this is about really - imperfections.  Such is life, no?  Anyway, above is a photo of me at our family's Thanksgiving dinner.  There were quite a few "firsts" to celebrate this year.  Our first without Alaia - who managed to skype (that is a verb, yes?) from Hawaii.  And the first with our Junior and his brand new self.  Besides that, we had a lot to celebrate and be thankful for - and to all of that, we gratefully ate.

The Party at the House

The Morning After

The Tartine-inspired Banana Cream Pie

Aloha Thanksgiving by way of Hawaii

Ending Dinner with Maja Blanca

I was not a fan of maja blanca until I made it myself and found that my issue with it was purely visual - could not stand seeing the whole kernels stick out from the dessert.  I decided to go rogue by grinding the corn kernels and it had been nothing but love since then.  The latik (not sure what the English word for this is - coconut milk curd? maybe?) was truly a labor of love - a 30 minute constant stirring affair - but it completes the dish like nothing else.  Had been serving some friends with this dessert for a couple of weekend dinners now - and so far the empty dish at the end speaks of the yumminess of this Filipino blancmange.  Tonight, we downed our maja blanca with some good Moscato wine - and a sugary buzz was had by all.

Snow at the Lake.

Only in California.  It was at first a light sweater day at best, then a few winks later, a Rihanna song, and voila, Currier & Ives.  Then you come upon a lake as still as your yoga breath with a beach full of kayaks and pine cones.  It is enough to make you eat all the sushi you can - which we in fact did at Lake Tahoe last weekend.  It was all fun and games where I won a poker game - hands down - betting on the "river".  Optimism, I tell you, it was easy to come by, when there was no real money at stake!

For Her Eyes Only

The boys were not too crazy about it, but I thought Skyfall was a little different from all the Bond movies I'd seen - a little more drama, darker, and sadder.  Daniel Craig I think is the most glum of all the 007's - just a tad more mysterious and serious than the rest.  Because he is the shortest Bond of all - so little complex maybe?  But certainly his Bond has the best bod and the most piercing eyes.  

Whew, anyway, thought we'd start the weekend with some Bond.  The boys thought there were little action in it - and all I can say was, are you crazy?  It was enough action for me.  And when they set that house on fire, all I could think of was:  what a waste.  And that Daniel Craig has the best back view ever even fully dressed.

History Made this Week

Our Modern Family (note to self:  consider leather kid gloves) - post crazy elections :  Source:  MSNBC

What a week it had been so far.  Historical one night, yes, but seemingly ordinary the next day.  I felt the excitement full on although I watched the whole thing on CNN by myself at a hotel on a work-related trip (i.e., boringgggg).  Alternating between nail biting and nervous eating (thank goodness, there were not a lot of junk around), I could not believe how close the votes were throughout the night - until Ohio of course, and then it all went downhill from there - for the other side, that is.  It was a night to remember for anyone who cares enough for any cause, for anyone who values and believes in anything strong enough  to stand up it.  In my opinion, it was victory for the freedom to choose and the ability to stand up for that choice whatever that may be (they take this  - the standing up - literally in Florida where people were still waiting on lines to vote even after the winner had been projected by the media!  Travesty!). Yet with all that, it was so status quo the next day.  Unlike sports, people don't talk about whose sides they were on after the elections.  The discourse - frenzied and crazed at the height of the campaign - seemed to have died in its sleep the moment the winner was projected.

Nonetheless, the winning side was all sunny and smiling none too secretly.  The next day, on my commute home,  I heard this lovely segment about democracy on NPR.  It was an editorial written by E.B. White (the same guy who wrote Charlotte's Web?) in 1943 in response to the then War Board's question on "what democracy is."  The piece was inspired by Pres. Obama's victory speech.  It warmed my heart.  Listen.

Keeping Things Brown and Orange

Well, there goes the weekend.  Clocks turned back an hour today, and for some reason, the day went down just like as it was the Sunday before it - none the slower.  Anyway, I think I found the perfect recipe for bread pudding (although it was not exactly cold enough for bread pudding).  With the exception of a tad bit less sugar next time, this one came out very nicely.  Must be the bread from local Grateful Bread - the crust was extra crunchy.  We could not stop eating it all day.  My biggest dilemma this weekend was whether or not to jump headlong into Christmas merriment like some people I know already did and bust out the Christmas decorations.  After going back and forth over it in my mind, I decided that I haven't had enough of browns and oranges yet and will wait it out till at least Thanksgiving.  I guess things haven't rotted out to their full Fall-ness yet that all that Christmas kringle still seems too soon.  What I cannot hardly wait for though is some chilly weather worthy of my handmade eternity scarves to finally get here.  It is going to be 81 degrees in the Bay Area tomorrow - I mean, really?

Where Have Our Tricksters Gone?

This was taken about 12 years ago - back in the day when pictures had to be "developed" - and the best thing ever was the 1-hour processing at Costco.  Back then when we actually get excited about halloween in my household.  Yes,  those days, when we would have Disney characters romping around our house for the entire day before and after post sugar fits and slumps.  Over the years since then, Disney gave way to zombies, Scream mask, pillow covers, and soon gave way to no effort at any costumes at all.  Disney now come in the forms of neighbors.

This Halloween with only the pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns for fun company, we could not help but miss Cruella and Blue's Clues.  They are out being themselves and stuffing themselves silly with candy.  Because in our house, no one brings home candies anymore.

Way Back

I don't even know why this song, why this morning, but it feels just right. I barely remember the Beatles.  My only definitive memory was John Lennon gone when I was in 3rd grade - and I did not even know who he was, but the teachers were pretty upset.  The songs were soundtrack to parts of my life, I am sure, but  damn, if I can name any of those tunes.  But this song reminds me of my "titas" in the 70's and for some reason that feels nice

Enough Said

Via Kelly L. Cox - US Presswire

There was a tornado warning in the Sierras.  The Presidential debate went largely unnoticed.  The freeway was practically empty at 5pm on a Monday.  But at AT&T park, there was magic all night long.  Go Giants!

Slow Saturday

Almost always, Saturdays trip me.  First of all,  I think that it ought to be lazy - being just after Friday and all - instead it whizzes by on supersonic time.  Unfailingly, I usually spend the day chasing after it - being always at least six hours behind!  My mission so it seems every Saturday is to make it all worth it by bingeing on stuff to do, leaving me quite exhausted at the end of the day and ironically relieved that that it is finally all over.  Today though was going to be different, I was going to just let Saturday follow me around like a puppy - it will be my day.

I started the morning with banana and blackberry pancakes at Orphans.  Something I can totally make on my own for free, but this morning, I'd rather have someone make it for me - preferably some place where parking was scarce.

Then, I ran around Mckinley Park to overcome my guilt over the decadent pancakes.  

And then I decided to kiss my layers goodbye and embraced the bob back.

As if the carbs from the pancakes were not enough, I had to have boba too  - although to my credit, this one was avocado, which is literally - meat, right?

Then I decided to dig up my severely neglected Kindle and read a book aptly called The Forgotten Garden. 

And finally, as I waited for the night to get really late so I can go to sleep, I found Carla Bruni.  I guess for some of us, nothing is ever enough, apart from being a top model, and then France's First Lady, she is a singer too.  And you know what, she doesn't sound bad at all.  Really, when I think about it, I have not done nearly anything today.

The King of the Hill

We took his sister here too, and now it is his turn.  Nathan - my friend's son - is now three - he talks more like he's ten and he knows what he wants, and he will tell you so - mostly by saying "No!" - pointedly to me because he was just fine and and dandy with Mel.  When I was not trying to make Nathan like me, I was liking sights of apples and pumpkins everywhere, the apple donuts and just the hint of coming fall if only there were not busloads of people to suck all that out of any air.  Nathan did really well, did not throw fits as any three year olds would do after the nth stop for apple pie and such.  Over-all, it was a fine day with the apples.

Not A Fair Weather Friend

It is almost November, but here we are with the temperature still at the 80's!  I cannot wait for the weather to make up its mind already and make Fall happen.  I had pho today and wished for a pho weather, but alas, it was still as chirpy as spring out there.  You can still go out and wear nothing but shorts and feel just fine - isn't that wrong with only two months away before Christmas?  I want my brrrs when I hunker down with my pho - come on already!!!

My Popover Runneth Over...

One of my earliest memory of my mom was her baking goodies in a small oven over a portable gas stove.  She used to have a repertoire that included broas, marble cake, and popovers.   Our neighbors used to order from her and I remembered our house smelling so sweet early in the morning and afternoons.  The popovers were especially magical because of the way they "pop", then deflate as if they had been holding their breaths while in the over and then exhaled as soon as they are out - some of them just blew up revealing slight gooeyness inside.  My sisters and I used to call them "po-po-bers." It was rare and amazing treat when we get these "po-po-bers".

This morning, I found a recipe for popover that is good for two people.  Increasingly, it is just Mel and I in the house - so I thought, this would be something different than pancakes.  It was pretty easy to make and I was exceptionally proud of the cream that I whipped with the peaches and strawberries to match the fruit toppings.  The best ironic thing about popovers is how they look so decadent when in fact they are nothing more than half air inside.  It was a good Sunday breakfast.

Waiting for Fall.

It is not quite here yet, but I wore my boots today and it felt almost right.  The time will not change until November I heard (what?), but soon enough, the air will bite, and I cannot wait to drink coffee all day because I have to.  The picture above is one of the farms at Apple Hill - where trees do wear red in October and November.  And yes, the apples are good too, especially as donuts!

Night of Ughs.

Well first it was the debate - where my dog stood by while a more caffeinated pup shot down Big Bird, and worse, while feigning love.  Everyone at the CNN was losing his/her mind about how Ohio would think when it wakes up tomorrow morning! Even MSNBC was sheepish to say the least.  Then my vision of petit pains au lait did not quite turn out right.  I should have known from the start -the dough was not exactly sighing under my fist as I kneaded it.  But when it comes to bread, my reference remains that sad day I kneaded a pan de sal on the floor.  But I do know Big Bird and it stuns me that a man aspiring to be the leader of the free world would sacrifice him to earn debate points from his base who are inspired by the letter J it seems.  Must be a night if one can find consolation in Britney Spear's putty face - at least all is well in that world.  P.S.  the bread does not taste so bleakly as it looks.

A Weekend of Food, Book and Chocolate

As it is always with me these days  - I am either eating or going somewhere to eat on weekends.  On Friday, I found myself on the corner of Shattuck and Vine in Berkeley smack in the middle of Alice Water's hood.  I literally stumbled upon Chez Panisse while the maitre'd (sp?) was posting that day's menu.  Interesting, but nah.  I opted to watch Mel foray into the library-like world of gourmet cheese (back when librarians use card catalogs) and came out with two stinking cheese from Italy and France.  Then we went for fast food sushi.  Saturday was spent scouting an arboretum plant sale where everyone acted as if they had never seen a lavender or salvia before - it was a mad rush I tell you.  Then we headed over to a used-book store where I found a copy of the Girl With Pearl Earring to occupy me on my commute - I ended up finishing the book before Sunday morning though.  The weekend is now best remembered with a Belgian chocolate with toasted orange peel with love poem inscribed inside its packaging in which Romeo professed his love for Juliet.

The Making of a Hiking Tradition

It had been a longing of mine to start a tradition of hiking in my family.   I have always trolled hiking sites and dreamed of a map where I could check off the trails I had been.  I would go to REI and covet hiking gear like bermuda shorts and walking sticks.  The only problem though is that I am the only in the family one who thinks that walking should be done voluntarily. So as it was, the hiking we'd done in this family most often involved coercion, bribery, and if either fails, threats.  So my hiking map - if it can be called that - looks more like my kids immunization card - there were a couple of spikes but mostly the gaps are about 7 years or so in between hikes.

For the past 3 weeks though, my husband and I had been engaging in what one might call mini-hikes.  This weekend, we drove to Calistoga and trudged up what appears to be the less-trodden trails of Table Rock deep in the Robert Louis Stevenson Park.  I would not call the trail pretty by any means and it was hard at times to tell if we were on the right path or not - in fact we ended up at a gate to a private property so I guess we were not.  The climb back up was heart-busting and sufficiently kicked our butts.  I kept reminding the hubby that it is not the destination but the journey that counts, but he was more about concentrating on catching his breath or not fainting.  Hardy trekkers we are so not.

Prelude & Postscript In-Between

Looking Out The Capitol Corridor Train

What I have been thinking about lately is a picture of my lolo in black and white leaning against the PNR(Philippine National Railroad) train along the tracks in Naga.  Funny how things in life go - circling around as they often do.  Funny still how trains would figure in my life too - maybe not so much as source of inspiration as they were to my lolo who was one of the pioneers of the PNR work in Bicol - but life-altering nonetheless.  Sigh - if only waking up at dawn would not be a mandatory part of it - it would be so much better.

Last Supper at the Oakland Cottage.  Both the Prelude and Postscript of the self-imposed time consuming daily commute.

Should Have Been Wearing Aviators.  Thinking I could be someone's Mom in the 70's.  Had to insert Napa in between commuter weeks - this one was at OxBow Market in Downtown Napa while waiting for my breakfast muffin from Gott's Roadside.

When All Else Fails, Cadbury Does It.

I won't exactly say that things are looking up if I am gnawing at Fruit & Nut at past 10 at night - off a sushi platter no less.  Anyway, such as it was, all the while thinking, I should really be doing far more relevant.  It must be the luke-cold (not too cold, but cold) water of Folsom Lake today - somehow I was driven to a sort of drunk-eating all afternoon long that needless to say led to a certain stupor.  No amount of twilight plant watering, pruning, and even weeding did my spirits any lift.  What a day! In a way it was good - spent with the family and stuff - but still took all day.

Opposite of Prolific

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel, yes? It had been forever since I wrote anything on this space.  Maybe writing things down would make me feel that things are actually happening.  As Michael Kors said, Fall is the real New Year!  Thank goodness for that second chance at beginning - coz' God knows, the last 9 months were a bust for all intent and purposes!  As things brown, fall and rot, my mood goes to the other spectrum.  Ironic.

Q'd

CBC.ca | Q

It was the most unlikely source - as they usually are when they come up during my daily commute -  from the radio mostly of course.  Ashley Judd - talking about her multi-faceted life - from being an actor, master's from Harvard, to watching a fistula repair in Africa.  It was awe-some - me thinks, how can I complain about balancing?  Being a writer in your heart of hearts?  Hmmm.